dear God,

today was the crappiest day of them all.

normally, on a bad day, i can make it home, and get parked in the driveway before i start crying.
today i barely made it into the staff room.

i tell you this because i know you love me. and i so much need you to look out for me.

today a student assaulted me. i'm ok, no physical harm. just wrist grabbing, no bruises, no cuts.

i'm just so tired. i'm tired of the fighting, tired of the insults, of the disrespect, of the complete lack of any respect for the school, the staff, for other students.

after the incident, when i just made it into the staff room before completely breaking down, i cried so hard. i haven't cried like that in a long time. i tried to calm myself down by talking to you, which normally does the trick.

i couldn't even get past "oh God."

even right now, i'm getting all weepy, just thinking about it.
and i'm so worried about going back tomorrow.
the kid is suspended for two days, so he won't be back until monday.

but i just don't even know how i feel about the school at all anymore.

the upside: within 30 minutes of the incident, the student was out of the building, he had been suspended, i had processed with my boss and people had checked in on me. i was very well cared for.

and it's not like i'm scared. it's just...
i've got a fucking master's degree.
i'm one of the best fucking teachers i know (and other teachers agree), and instead of teaching, i'm managing behavior.
i'm listening to students make fun of me, and tell me i'm worthless all day.

i just don't know.
some guidance would be so helpful.

some love would be nice.

a warm hand on my shoulder, anything God, just anything...

i can't stand feeling alone in this.


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