not yet

there has been no breakup.

there, in fact, will be a museum outing and a sleepover tomorrow.

we're trying to branch out from the dinner, a movie and making out we usually have.

we'll have to see how it goes. i plan on having the one-month talk.
at this point, i'm leaning towards the idea of giving him the title of boyfriend. i haven't decided if the annoyances are little enough to eventually overlook.

things that i initially didn't like have been further explained. i understand them now, better, at least.

i'm willing to give it a shot. i still just don't know.
my psychiatrist asked me if he challenged me. i had to think about it, and i realized he did, but in a way i've never really been challenged. which, in and of itself is a challenge.
i'm learning to hold my tongue, and not be so nit-picky and to accept people where they are, and all the while, put the brakes on my immense sexual attraction.

in my head though, and maybe in my heart, i keep thinking, it's not him. walk away. run away.

but sometimes i wonder... maybe this IS him. maybe this is what God wants for me. someone who needs my help, someone who needs my compassion, my love of life and Jesus, someone to work on and with, who will also make me a better person. i'm far from perfect, and have lots of skeletons in my closet, i'm just not as open with them. maybe this is a lesson, an experience i have to go through. maybe i'll come out on the other side and realize what its purpose was.

or maybe i should run.

either way, it's not over yet.

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