craptastic

today is cloudy and cold. and i'm depressed.

yesterday the boy came over and we walked into rockville and had california tortilla and ben & jerry's. it was good, and we had good conversation.
there was that weird awkwardness of not holding hands, but, at least, in my head, thinking we should.
i did try to pinch/tickle him in ben & jerry's, and we stood thisclose, but nothing.
although there was some good kissing when we got back to my house.
we played Guillotine and sat on the couch.
i had to go to hang out with the kid, and it kinda sucked. i wanted to stay with the boy, but i also knew i needed to go be with the kid, and i wanted to be with her too. and he's very busy for the next forever so i have no idea when we'll see each other again.
so this prompts many questions:
is he really that busy? or, is he not interested in me, but maybe going along?
he seems to be not great in making moves, although, when i start, he goes along... so, is he not great at the physical, or, again, is he going along for lack of ability to do anything else?

we left it at he would check his schedule and call me. but, as we all know,
i hate waiting.

so yesterday i was pretty high, and today i'm pretty low.
i hate the unpredictability of the swings.

and when i get this way, i get into a "i don't want to see anyone or do anything" mood. which can be dangerous, because i often feel better by going out and doing things and seeing people. but since i don't want to, i don't, and i get stuck in the low.

i was out running errands and i went past the boy's work. i stopped and left a cute little note on his windshield. it was cute, and not crazy, and i hope it brightens his day.
i think i might do just about anything to see him... i think he's something special and wonderful.
i really hope i don't screw it up. i'm very good at that.
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