today

i was having that dumb boy-DD issue. the type of ADD where you find yourself staring out the window thinking about the 30 seconds of the date last night that makes your whole head spin.
i was trying to finish grading sketchbooks, and average out grades, and get ready for interims, but i just kept staring out the window with a dumb smile on my face.

you find yourself doing silly things, like practicing your name with his last name.

i haven't had this feeling in such a long time, and it feels so good. i hate that i'm reduced to this silliness. it seems like it's anti-feminist. but the feelings themselves are soooo good.

i was watching Sex and the City (I'm trying to catch up... i'm in season 4), and it was the episode where Big goes to Napa and Miranda gives birth (i heart ny-season 4)...
anyways... i found myself all teary eyed during the birth scene. i felt very strongly that i needed to have children. maybe not right then... but sometime in my life.
how could i not want that amazing experience of childbirth? it was so visceral (sp?). for the first time in a while, i felt like i saw something i wanted, something i needed, something i HAD to have. i haven't experienced that in a while either.

i've been so wrapped up in school and work, it seems like i haven't let myself experience anything. i'm glad it's done (almost). i'm realizing i have sacrificed so much of who i am, and who i want to be, to finish this program, to help out the kids, to do everything else but take care of myself.

hmmm.